We guess that some feminists won’t like this topic but we feel it to be very important to acknowledge. We are not going to harp on about “the weaker half” or any of that. Women can be very strong in a lot of areas. Men are also vulnerable in certain aspects. However for this particular post we just want to focus on this aspect particularly for Christian women. Sexual vulnerability is a feeling that many women experience because of the pressure placed on them in societies such as ours where overwhelmingly men are seeking out women and targeting them with suggestive looks, words or actions. We think the difference in the way that men and women relate and are sexually aroused that is relevant. A man is sexually aroused in a visual way when he sees a woman who takes his fancy. A woman is sexually aroused in a relational way, and part of that relational way can be if she feels desired by a man, which in essence comes from responding to attention she receives. Unwanted attention from a man can therefore be a problem for her and increase her sense of vulnerability, as she can get a sense of arousal from the possibility of giving in to the pressure that she is under.
There are many aspects of social interaction that a woman, especially a Christian woman, has to be able to manage successfully in order to deal with undesired attention from men in our highly sexualised societies. It is extremely regrettable that there are so many challenges to a woman’s physical safety and wellbeing that are posed because of men’s inappropriate lusts and aggression. Here in this post we don’t want to dwell on that, the real reason for writing this is to help Christian women overcome the challenges in a way that blesses them spiritually and emotionally. We want to steer clear of the complementarian concepts that a woman can be responsible for a man’s inappropriate behaviour, where they teach that women should not cause men to lust. In our idealised world, taking a leaf out of the book of nudists, women should be able to make the same clothing choices as men without being blamed for men’s response to it, including being able to bare their chests. Furthermore we feel that a husband and wife should be able to feel comfortable practising nudity in private on a regular rather than occasional basis on the assumption that a Christian man is capable of controlling his sexual behaviour towards his wife and that he can discipline his sexuality through masturbation so that he takes the pressure off his wife.
Nevertheless, if you are a Christian woman you have to decide the best way that you can deal with unwanted attention and what might be appropriate ways of deflecting or reducing it on a daily basis. We do not advocate that you should be expected to wear different clothing styles than men, in general, but there are many options for clothing that can make some of your key physical features less obvious. Our main focus here is to help you when you come home at the end of a long day in a workplace or some other setting where you have a day’s worth of negative feelings from undesired attention to free yourself from. As we have said in a previous post, women get a constant stream of negative messages about their bodies that affects their sense of self worth. It then becomes very desirable for you to spend some time letting go of those feelings. We suggest the same response, which is to enter into a session of sexual devotion where you can counter those negativities. However the way this happens for unwanted attention is a bit different emotionally but the intended outcome is the same. The message you are getting from the attention is that you are desirable, but for a single or married Christian woman who wants to remains sexually pure, the issue is that the attention is unwanted because it is inappropriate for her.
We believe the appropriate way for you to deal with the negative impacts of unwanted attention and pressures is to bring them all to God in a sexual devotion time in which you are focused on reclaiming and rededicating your body. A time where you are touching and stroking the areas of your body where you have felt most vulnerable is a great way of reclaiming the ownership and control that is your right to have over your body because you have had other people wanting to take that away from you and you need to be able to counter that. This sexual affirmation can include declaring only you have the right to receive pleasure from your body and affirming that in touching and masturbating is the way to achieve that.
Vulnerability does have a positive aspect in the context of when you are either in a private sexual devotional time or making love with your husband and you choose to be vulnerable. This is perhaps easier to relate to in those intimate times with your husband, than if you are choosing to be on your own, or if you are single. In those times of sexual devotion it is an act of worship in God’s presence and you can focus on being vulnerable with Him. The most beautiful part of it is that whilst a husband will focus mainly on the physical aspect of you opening up your body, for you it is not just a physical thing, it is also an emotional and spiritual thing. When you take time to masturbate in a private sexual devotion time, you can just focus on those emotional and spiritual aspects, really opening yourself up to God and letting Him minister deeply into your sexuality. This is kind of an interesting new idea, that some feelings end up being related to specific body parts, and will be further explored in future posts of this series.