This is a new series we are starting to look at sexuality and sexual relationships (specifically, marriage) and in particular the relevance of PSS concepts. From our earlier postings, PSS refers to physical, sexual and spiritual aspects to masturbation. We postulate that these aspects play a part in significant human relationships, but in the context of this site, we are limiting our examination to sexual relationships. In the case of masturbation, the primary relationship being considered is between an individual Christian believer and God. In marital situations, the relationships become more complex, consisting of two individual believers who each have their own relationship with God, plus their relationship to each other, and theoretically a combined (corporate) relationship with God as well. The sexual relationship fits in with all of these combinations as we see it.
It is well known that men and women have different ways of approaching sexual activity. Men tend to have a physical approach, whereas women tend to have a spiritual approach. These key differences tend to encompass some of the relational conflict that occurs between a husband and wife in a marriage. In more recent decades women have tended to incorporate physical aspects more into their approach to sexual activity; this is reflected in greater engagement by women with masturbation. Whilst having this more physical approach can result in greater physical engagement by the husband and wife, with corresponding benefits to both parties resulting in relation to that particular aspect, it does not diminish the need for women to be spiritually satisfied in sexual intercourse. Thus, we contend that for Christian marriages, the trend by Christian wives to encompass more of a physical aspect to sexual relationships should be balanced by Christian husbands making corresponding moves to encompass more spiritual aspects, as both are equally important in a marital context. In masturbation, it is the same for a woman; she wants the additional physical engagement to be matched by extra spiritual focus. Our ministry understanding is that Christian women often struggle with masturbation if they lack a spiritual understanding of its purposes. Men relate to masturbation in a physical way (obviously) but women need to have that spiritual knowledge, and oftentimes that understanding isn’t innate. The extra spiritual component in general is one of various reasons why there is greater depth in female sexuality than male.
For Christian women, spiritual aspects of sexuality / sex can related to specific body parts in specific ways. The two particular areas of a woman’s body that are primarily focused on sexual purposes are her breasts and genitals. So let’s start by focusing on breasts. Their spiritual function is evidently related to nurturing and nourishing. The physical aspects of these are, of course, found when a mother feeds her baby, whilst the sexual aspects are most commonly related to sexual intercourse or masturbation. The spiritual parts vary depending on whether a woman is single or married. For single women, an important spiritual aspect is found in enjoying playing with their breasts as part of a masturbation session. Typically this is one of the earliest phases of a session where a type of “foreplay” is initiated involving physical stimulation of various bodily areas. Whilst enjoyment can be found with a number of different erogenous zones, breasts have this special aspect referred to above and which we have emphasised previously, which is a primary sexual focus which operates all of the time for adult women; mammary gland functionality is obviously (whilst extremely important) secondary, as well as simultaneously operating alongside the primary focus. At the same time, a woman’s breasts are not a sex organ (a baby is not having sex with its mother during breastfeeding…)
Much of what a single Christian woman achieves during masturbation is preparing her body for marriage. She learns how to enjoy touching different areas, which conditions her for sharing her body with her husband in lovemaking. Key physical points of engagement (PPEs) for women in their bodies are with their breasts and buttocks, these being the parts at which guys most often interact at a physical sexual level. This is affected to a significant extent by size and weight, these specific factors particularly impacting women in terms of their prominence and the effort needed to carry them as part of their body. Whereas men often engage at a pure physical level, women desire the engagement and purpose of these PPEs to focus on spiritual purposes, as this is what matters the most to them for all of their sexuality. The leading observation of this series of posts will be something like that women have an especial need for spiritual focus for various prominent physical aspects of their bodies which are particularly relevant to sexuality, with the level of need being roughly proportional to that prominence – or perhaps that women want their sexuality to be defined as more than a collection of physical characteristics – or maybe even that women want their sexuality to be more spiritual than physical.
As far as women are concerned, all these physical-sexual body parts are distracting the social interaction away from the spiritual level they want it to be on, down to a physical level which isn’t available without permission. Women want to be in control of surrendering themselves sexually and feel used or violated if this is taken without their permission, which men do so lustfully with their eyes, and also physically with unsolicited touching, but which also can happen even in a Christian marriage if the husband is insensitive to his wife’s spiritual needs i.e. too focused on physical. But even in the marriage, it’s really important for a Christian woman to guard her sexuality and its key spiritual purposes. In her body and spirituality, her breasts represent intimate engagement, her buttocks represent non-intimate engagement. This corresponds with the position of each of these on her body in relation to her face. When a husband and wife are making love, they can choose intimate or non-intimate engagement with each other through the different possible positions they can make use of. If the husband and wife are having non-intimate sexual intercourse then they both have the opportunity to focus primarily on direct engagement with God, whereas for intimate sex they are indirectly focused on God through the primary vehicle of serving each other.
Breast-buttock PPE engagement is one of a number of levels of intimacy that can take place between a husband and wife. Other PPEs such as kissing mouth to mouth are at a lower level, whereas BBPPE relates to a higher level that is more sexually intimate to a wife. At a lower level is initial contact or communication such as talking and kissing mouth to mouth. To move from a lower level to a higher level requires the wife to grant permission. A husband will need to become practiced at working through the levels in each sexually intimate encounter with his wife and getting her permission at each level to move to the next. This is essentially at the heart of consent as a total package. If these steps are not followed then women end up feeling sexually used or exploited. Once the BBPPE stage has been reached then consent can be given to move to the next higher level which is usually genital stimulation / foreplay and may be still one level away from penetration depending on personal preference. On the other hand, at the very lowest level, there is the practicing of the love language, which often refers to non-sexual activities by which a husband proves to a wife that he is worthy of being granted permission for a sexual encounter. Different love languages apply to different couples and they are used to signal to a wife that her husband really loves her at the all-important spiritual level. Spiritual love is the highest level that can take place between a husband and wife because it is on a par with the love that God has for his people; it is unconditional and selfless. A wife who feels she is loved on that level is willing to surrender herself physically/sexually to her husband.
When a woman grants her husband BBPPE she isn’t just looking for sexual pleasure or fun, she is looking for spiritual engagement at that level just as she is at any level. In other words, at every level of sexual encounter, there are PSS components that must all be fulfilled. The key spiritual requirement at all levels not just of sex but of day to day life is that a women feels her husband loves and values her as a person, not as a sexual object. Women want that love to be exclusive and do not want to share it with any other person or activity, so the wife expects to be second only to God in order of priority in her husband’s life and exclusive in sexual engagement. This is one of the factors that absolutely rules out a husband’s engagement with pornography within marriage. The marriage engages with PSS at all levels between husband and wife but the spiritual level is the most important for the wife and a key prerequisite to be fulfilled prior to achieving other levels. An important means for achieving an appropriate PSS balance for a woman in her life is by the use of masturbation in a private setting. For a single woman the physical/sexual levels of interaction in her life are mostly through day to day life whereas for a wife they are also obtained from her husband. Masturbation is an important means for a woman to reclaim her body from the physical/sexual interactions or pressures that take place in other parts of her life. For most women being sexually objectified and harassed in day to day settings make this an imperative to be overcome.
In the marriage, a wife needs to recharge her spiritual batteries between lovemaking times with her husband. The more she can achieve this from masturbation, the more willing she will be to have sex with her husband, so it is the case that studies tend to positively correlate frequency of masturbation and sexual intercourse. During adolescence, women will generally engage with masturbation initially at a physical level and will struggle to understand the purpose of it in their life because of lack of understanding of its spirituality. Once they have gained that understanding then masturbation becomes an important part of their sexual development towards adulthood and future marriage.
Well that is a long posting for today and there is just one other article for overall body image that we are planning in the coming days so stay tuned for more.