This is the second article in a series about applying PSS principles to sexuality and sexual relationships. The first article covered the topic of female intimate spiritual engagement. This post examines the role that masturbation can play in courtship when a Christian man and a Christian woman are becoming seriously interested in each other and marriage could be a real possibility for their relationship. We have previously focused on the specific importance of masturbation for the purpose of sexual development for Christians on the basis that its use for this purpose provides a healthy sexual outlet for believers who are committed to maintaining orthodox Biblical standards of sexual morality and sexual purity. This view stands as a contrast to more conservative viewpoints of Christian sexuality which teach that total abstinence from any sexual thoughts or activities is the only way for Christians to behave. Our sexuality is a key part of who we are, and the total abstinence viewpoint places unrealistic expectations on believers who find it is essential for them to develop their sexuality in a healthy way with specific focus to godliness. The key problem that has to be resolved is the increasing pressures from society which single believers find themselves placed under, particularly with increasingly divergent views on sexual orientation and sexual identity. Providing Christians with a healthy means of developing their sexuality along traditional lines will result in major benefits for their personal faith and consequently for the growth and development of ministry and churches in these challenging times.
The important aspect of singleness that we have expanded on in previous posts is that healthy sexuality development for males and females allows them access to visual material showing nude physical bodies, as this is a key aspect of building sexual identity, especially for males, that they have an understanding of physical sexuality and can therefore express their physical sexuality through having the access to such media materials whilst masturbating. Certain rules are required to be followed to ensure they do not develop any kind of sexual addiction or sexual sin issue from masturbation in conjunction with the use of visual media. One important aspect of this healthy sexual outlet through masturbation is that such visual media cannot depict any person known to any single Christian who is using the media in masturbation sessions. It is not appropriate under any circumstances for any single Christian who is using masturbation as a healthy sexual outlet to have access to physical media of any person who is within their wider circles of personal interaction in day to day life, because of the issues of developing inappropriate personal relationship with that person. This restriction applies as long as the single Christian who is masturbating is not in any kind of committed relationship (i.e. a romantic relationship that is leading towards marriage). In effect we have granted single Christians a wide license in terms of being able to access appropriate visual media potentially of multiple different persons without much restriction except that this aspect of their day to day lives must be compartmentalised and separated from the normal social and family relationships that they also have.
The rules change again when a single Christian is engaging in a romantic relationship that has the potential to become a marriage. They can continue to masturbate much as before, but at some point, they may well come to the point of formally committing to marriage, which is usually progressed by formal engagement. This is the point where the nature and form of masturbation changes. There is still an expectation, as there always is before marriage, that the relationship between a man and a woman who are planning to marry will not itself become sexual in nature. However, at the point in time when the engagement is confirmed, the couple have the opportunity to draw closer together whilst maintaining the appropriate level of sexual proprietary when they are together. This means that masturbation using pictures of unknown third parties can switch to masturbation carried out without any contact with each other but making use of photos of each other; the level of clothing to be worn when taking these photos is at the discretion of the couple concerned but can range up to full nudity. Whilst obviously the couple are engaging with each other to the extent of producing and exchanging photos of themselves, they are to keep private from each other the actual times when they are masturbating; these sessions are to remain private as before, the nature of the visual media used being the major difference. In other words they are to remain as private devotional times with prayer and worship being an important component of them, as before; the key aim is to allow preparation for marriage to take place in a way that is still not a sexual relationship outside of marriage, and which still meets existing expectations of healthy sexual development for Christians.
[This article should really have some spiritual insights at this point which may be added later, at the moment it is just imperative to publish and maybe update]